I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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