I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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