i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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