the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
