You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
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