he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
