I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
