all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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