I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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