i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
