Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
