stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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