i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
