i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
