There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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