He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
