I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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