You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
