So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
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You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
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I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
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