His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
