My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
