Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
