So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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