can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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