Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
My balls are so social today.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
