Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
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