He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Randomize