Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
