Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
