i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
