I haven't been this sober since birth.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Randomize