Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
