Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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