yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Randomize
