In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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