I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
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This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
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You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
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