like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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