You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
