If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
