Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
