The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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