I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
