So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
