Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
