Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
