...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
On imdb the canadians say It's amazing
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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