if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
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