that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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