Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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