I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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