Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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