it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Randomize
