are you still at the devil's house?
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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