I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
