i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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