we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
