please come you make the beer taste better
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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