Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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