Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
