She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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