I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
