i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Randomize
