Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
cat food counts as protein by the way
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
