Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
