you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
