I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
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