that's an acceptable place to lick
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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