I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
