She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
