PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
