I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
