I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
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I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
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It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip πππ
Your skills amaze me
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
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