JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Drake has all the answers
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
